We’re leaving Antibes, making the short drive to Nice. It’s time to retrieve the car from the parking structure where it’s been parked for the past four days. Ah yes… the car. If you’re going to rent a car in Europe, don’t do what I did.
On the day I rented the car, we started out in Madrid, Spain. The goal was to get to St. Jean de Luz, France. We had a nice flight from Madrid to San Sebastián, but then things started going south. By the time we reached a rental car office in San Sebastián, it had been a long day.
As described here, (Snags in San Sebastián), the sales girl at the rental office must have seen us coming – a couple of weary travelers too tired and weak to resist her well-rehearsed sales pitch.
The short version of the story is that I rented a car that was larger, (and more expensive), than what I had in mind.
First Warning
My first warning that this might not be the car of my dreams came before we left the rental office. I couldn’t figure out how to enter our hotel’s address in St. Jean de Luz into the car’s GPS system. Maybe I was just tired? I swallowed my pride and went back into the rental office to ask for help.
A guy came out right away. He got in the driver’s seat and started fiddling around with the GPS. After a while, it became apparent that he wasn’t having much luck, either. He assured us that he almost had it.
Finally, he successfully entered the destination. He got out and explained how he did it so I’d know how to do it myself next time. OK. Now we’re getting somewhere. Let’s get outta here!
Parking in Centre Ville
For many tourists visiting Europe, myself included, the best places to stay are in the ancient city centers, or Centre Villes. Streets in these areas are narrow, one-way, and often used by cars and pedestrians alike.
The only available parking is in underground garages where spaces are tight. There’s not much maneuvering room in front of the spaces, either.
Almost everyone backs in. It’s easier to get in and out that way. If you don’t back in, you can’t turn the wheels until the car is almost all the way out of the space. People over here – even little old ladies – back into tight spaces with admirable proficiency.
The car I rented wasn’t designed with tight parking spaces in mind. I know – it’s not the car’s fault that it’s too big. That’s on me.
Every time I attempted to park in one of these super-tight spaces, the car’s YOU’RE-TOO-CLOSE-TO-SOMETHING! alarms came to life. Each of the car’s five alarms – right front, left rear, etc – had its own signature sound.
It didn’t take long until the car’s proximity alarms began pinging, dinging, buzzing, and beeping in a cacophony of nerve-rattling racket. The closer I’d get to something, the louder an alarm would sound. Louder and faster.
All that frantic pinging, dinging, buzzing, and beeping sounded like the car was going into CAR-diac arrest. But in reality, it was ME that was close to going into cardiac arrest.
Not All Auras are Good Auras
During these HOUSE-ON-FIRE!, SAVE-THE-WOMEN-AND-CHILDREN! times, the car’s dashboard display showed an image of the car and all the places where alarms were sounding. Lines radiated out like waves from each danger zone. Line color and intensity changed as the danger increased.
At one point, during one of these episodes, the image looked like the car had a throbbing, multi-colored aura radiating all around it. Not all auras are good auras.
At the worst point, the car stopped and would not move. The car had taken over the controls! Are you kidding me? So now what?
That neurotic, self-centered car cared only about itself. Are rental cars tweaked at the factory to make them almost impossible to ding? What about me? I still had to park this product of misguided engineering design.
Since I couldn’t move, I turned off the ignition. When I restarted the car, all was quiet. Silence. Beautiful silence. Apparently the car’s sensors didn’t know how close it was to danger until it moved. After that, I was able to inch the car in the rest of the way.
OK. Now – can I get out through the door, or is it going to have to be through the window?
To be continued…
